Local Revision: Wordiness, Blog Post 5.1

One of the major editing issues that I will face for this project is whether or not I should shorten certain sections in my Video Essay that seem lengthy. I want to include tons of detail, but I also need to keep the audience interested. With that in mind, I took a look at the lengthiest scene in my Video Essay:

Original Transcript:

"This is the Kuiper Space Sciences Building on the University of Arizona campus. It is home to the OSIRIS-REx program: a joint mission conducted by the University of Arizona and NASA. According to NASA, OSIRIS-REx will travel to a near Earth asteroid called Bennu and bring a small sample back to Earth for study. The mission will be launched in April of 2016 and the sample will return to the Earth in 2023. The mission will have a profound effect on the controversy at hand. If Earth-like water is found on the asteroid, that will provide a good amount of evidence for the asteroid stakeholder group. However, if the water found is very different from Earth's, that find would be evidence in favor of either the volcano stakeholder group or perhaps the comet stakeholder group. I hope that this project has both informed my viewers of the controversy at hand and gets them excited for the new finds that are on the horizon for this controversy."

Revised Transcript:

"This is the Kuiper Space Sciences Building at the University of Arizona. It is home to the OSIRIS-REx program: a mission conducted by the University of Arizona and NASA. According to NASA, OSIRIS-REx will travel to an asteroid called Bennu and bring a sample back to Earth for study. The mission will be launched Spring 2016 and the sample will return to Earth in 2023. The mission will have a profound effect on the controversy. If Earth-like water is found, that will provide credible evidence for the asteroid stakeholder group. However, if the water found is different from Earth's, that find would be evidence for the volcano stakeholder group or the comet stakeholder group. I hope that this project has both informed and excited my viewers."

Joshua Smith. Kuiper Space Sciences Building. February 4th, 2016.